Friday, December 11, 2009
car journeys.i remember them.just me and mum.me in a singlet,shorts and a cardigan or sometimes just a bra, shorts and a cardigan.shoes in a heaped pile on the floor.lolly snakes strayed all over the dash.red for mum.orange for me.the rest;out the window.we could take the long way or we could take the short way.we always took the long way.music blaring until we got to neighbourhoods where embarressment took over my mum while i sat there singing and flashing everyone the paleness of my plump breast peeping out from under my bra.sunglasses on and hair in a mess.the wind in my face felt revitalizing and refreshing and the conversations we had were forgotten but always interesting.once we got to the drive of my mums childhood home and my grandparents fort we left our shit in a heap in the car and grabbed our shoes.we didnt put them on though we just held them.my mum fixing her hair and looking...perfect.me in a heaped mess waiting at the door.sex hair and painted toe-nails.sunglasses still on and stomach bare for everyone to see.but always greeted just the same and always welcomed in.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
oh my goodness.metalwork.brady.no awkwardness at all.ok ill start from the beginning.i go and sit on a table and everyone comes over and grabs a stool and we just sit there talking.brady comes over tells me to move over and sits next to me.after a while i get tired of sitting up and lean on brady.brady puts his arm around me.behind me.i bunch him on the leg so he punches me on the top of the thigh almost to my v'jay'jay.this goes on for a while.he moves his arm and hand and has 2 fingers under my ass.everynow and then he grabs my ass.i dont care, its brady.noddi starts filming us and says "whats doug going to think of this" i laugh it off and dont really give a shit.dan moves over so someone else can sit with us aswell but can now also see where bradys hand is.im leaning on bradys chest.brady moves his arm up around my shoulders.the other frigid girls stand there and stare and make some comments which brady loudmouths back to.the guys,they dare him to grab my boob.i dont care, he grabs it and sort of plays with it in a way.i still dont care for some reason.we sat there and i should feel like such a skank etc but it feels good it feels alright.for one of my closet guy friends to do this but not my boyfriend it means something to me.bradys had his hand down my top, hes grabbed my ass, hes grabbed my boobs.whats going to happen once doug finds out.i dont want to be with him anymore anyway.
did me and brady seriesly look like we were going out.probably.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
why is it that i make a decision about something but can never keep it.i dont want you anymore yet i cant bring myself to get rid of you.your the best trash in the world and i still dont want you the way you want me.what does that make me.im hiding from you, avoiding you.why cant you get the message, why cant you take the trash out.