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just like that. and i dont want to go out with you anymore.i know that seems heartless and wrong.but i dont know how to explain it.i feel nothing towards you in a couple way but in a friend way i will always cherish you.some people hate being single.they are desperate for love.single to me is good.not saying that being in love isnt.but to me when im single i dont feel so bad when perving on other guys and i can bag you out without feeling like a bad girlfriend.its going to be tough.i want to say it to your face but i dont know if i can.everyone will call me dog.but most people know ive never been to enthusiastic about being with you.yes, im a total bitch yehh i know, but ive thought about it, really, i trully have.im just praying to god you havent bought me a christmas present because how am i suppose to break up with you when your about to give me a gift.
sweet disposition-the temper trap
book-like i give a frock
the weirdest bit is people probably think im upset in some sort of way about this unfortunate event of my feelings changing, but to tell you all the truth, im in a lovely mood.

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what happens when i stop thinking.i think im not thinking.but really the whole time i myself am thinking about not thinking.let me light my candles.let me go off into my own world.and let me fall asleep in class tomorrow because i stayed up thinking.because i stayed up playing with fire.how am i suppose to act tomorrow.depressed with my family, happy with the me part of my life, or unprganized, worried. or maybe just tired.ill just lay in class and dream.half in reality and half staring at you in a new world.

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what am i doing.i have a boyfriend.your voice reminds me of a guy at schools voice.your so sweet and all but i dont see you i only talk to you on msn.i know doug may seem like a shit boyfriend but i cant explain.but if i start and when i do think about you i know its bad but i cant help it.please stop saying sorry stop saying your thinking of me, let me clear all my files.let me think.

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secret scibbled notebooks-joanne horniman.

unequivocally-
If you describe someone's attitude as unequivocal, you mean that it is completely clear and very firm.admitting of no doubt or misunderstanding; having only one meaning or interpretation and leading to only one conclusion.
Page215.
Anais Nin said to write is to descend, to excavate, to go underground and that is what it was like.i felt like an adventurer, an explorer, descending into my own life and bringing it back into the light.

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i was up till 1am just talking to Dieter.Now, Doug i know you think that me and Dieter have something going on behind your back and we sort of do.Im not going to lie about it.But when you get a text like this not from your boyfriend but one of your closest friends, it makes you sit up and think.
>No matter what i am always here for you.If you ever need help or ever need to talk, i am here.im always here for you night or day, rain or shine(:
i dont know what the future is planning for me and i know im not going to try and plan my life.im sick of my mum doing that for me and spontanous is the path my spirit has decided to walk.

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we went to the movies.we saw a movie about lieing.what have you lied to me about i wonder.we all went swimming at naths.i saw your chest.i saw its whiteness.but it didnt bother me.i was afraide to look at you at first.afraid i would stare.but when i did.i was content with the fact that it was perfect, to me it looked like something comforting but also protecting.you have abbs when you want to but the flatness of your stomach doesnt turn me off.its somehow more of an attraction really.i was embarressed by my own body.unsure what you would think of it.you kept looking at me and i nearly always caught you.but it was okay.you didnt look away, not without a few more seconds of looking at me while i knew.whenever i looked at you i always noticed your eyes.perfect sky blue.it felt right having them looking at me.i was cold.the veins in my legs revealing themselves with outright confidence.you came over and hugged me.for a long time it felt like, we just stood there.skin next to skin.no one thinks were going out the way we act.its awkward but somehow not in a bad way.i worry too much, i do admit.im not confident and you are but arent at the same time.i dont know how to act and i spend too long thinking of something im about to do.help me out, be more like nathan.learn from him.it was like a party of four.the way we were all so happy and carefree for that time.and then it ends with a game of pool and the hugs of goodbye.

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So i didnt go to school today and i had breakfast i ate wraps for lunch had some ice-blocks and then some fruit in the arvo.Now im just waiting for someone to get home so that i can go for a walk.
secret scribbled notebooks--joanne horniman
if my heart was a house--owl city